Me Insecure? Utterly Ridiculous!...Er, Uhhm, Why? Should I Be? Ha! Welcome to the ongoing battle, friends. Pull up a chair, sip a mocha latte, and take a load off. This may ramble on awhile...
You see, generally, I'm a fairly confident person. Once inspiration takes hold of me, once I've examined the possible outcomes (redundantly, even), once familiar with what it is, exactly, that I endeavor to do, I'm off! When I've set my mind to something, it's rare that I fail to accomplish. I believe that I can achieve, acquire, produce, or learn, and that, in essence, is what confidence is. Right?
So...
The question, 'Why are you here then, Nadja?' may be on the tip of your tongue as you think kindly to yourself..., 'Oh, dear thing! She's in the wrong group and doesn't know it.'
In short, I'm here because while that confidence is ultimately the driving force behind my move to action, there's a battle raging inside my mind as two forces collide in my thoughts. Who is my shadowy nemesis?
Insecurity.
That ancient foe we sometimes call self-doubt. He's a bad one; he is! Creeping around the plans and goals as they take shape in my mind, whispering the sweet-nothings of incompetence and failure into my ears, he seeks to cripple and destroy with his most powerful weapon.
Fear.
My husband would gladly seek, with murderous intent, those things which would steal my confidence - (Thank goodness they're not real, eh? Heh-heh.) My sons build me up every day. "You're the best! - I love you, Eezma! - You can do it!" (Sweet guys, right? And, yes....my boys sometimes call me Eezma... Okay, Okay...don't get too excited. They probably want me to pick up a friend across town or shop with them for a new video game...lol) My sister verbally annihilates those pesky insecurity causing thoughts with naughty-but-oh-so-entertaining humor. My brother, with steady logic and sure fire precision, surgically removes negativity that tries to gain a foothold. And the writing community, which has welcomed me, encouraged me, and complimented me - your support makes such a difference.
Thank you.
It is how we deal with fear that will determine our path. Will we indulge it's negativity? Will we freeze at hearing/contemplating the term failure? Or, will we stop, take a breath, and decide that we'll choose the word delay, or set back, or learning experience instead? GASP! We can even laugh it off! (This is, I admit, my preferred method of coping)
This year has been intense in the realm of security stealing - and security building. My family and life has seen big changes. Profound grief, the rallying of siblings, hitting milestones in life's journey, and achieving big goals in my writing career are just a few I'll mention.
Truth is, I have to choose to be secure. It does not come naturally. I'm fortunate to have brutally honest siblings who keep me laughing at both myself and them as we take on our insecurities.
Now, then. I've just learned that I'll be reviewed in the coming weeks by a writer whose excerpts have impressed me so! I can hardly wait..., er, is it I can hardly breathe? I'm thrilled. I'm terrified. I'm ready. I want to run and hide.
Bring it on. BANG. POW. BOOM. WHOOP. (For DD#1)
~ Nadja
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